Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him all weekend. 
-Zenna Schaffe-

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars. 
-Steve Martin-

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
-Steven Wright-

Some folks are wise and some otherwise. 
-Josh Billings-

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
-Jimi Hendrix-

A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other. 
-Unknown-

If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.
-George Muncaster-

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in 
fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. 
-Robert Frost-

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat. 
- Jim Davis-

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil 
- Paul Getty-

Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny.
- Lyric from Frank Zappa's "Be-Bop Tango"-

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. 
-Carl Gustav Jung- 

Q: How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?
A: She's got that down in the mouth look!

Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a canary?
A: A peeping tom!

Q: Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite at Christmas?
A: Because he has sandy claws!

Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
A: 'Pleased to eat you.'!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
A: Frostbite!

Q: What is a French cat's favorite pudding?
A: Chocolate mousse!

What is the most faithful insect?
A flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them!

What insect runs away from everything?
A flee!

What is the difference between a flea and a wolf?
One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!

What to you call a Russian flea?
A Moscow-ito!

Two fleas where running across the top of a cereal packet?
"Why are we running so fast?
" said one Because it says "Tear along the dotted line" What do you call a flea that lives in an idiots ear?
A space invader!

What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a flea?
Bugs Bunny!